Enduring to the End

I've been reading The Merchant of Venice in search of more parallels between Shakespeare's life and his characters for an independent study I'll be doing when I get back to school. I wanted to spend a good part of the summer working on my project, but I haven't gotten as far as I wanted to. My goal is to write a Shakespearean style play about the Bard's life, based on the connections between his life and his works. I saw a performance of Richard III that gave me the dynamics of Shakespeare's marriage, as well as a look into his self-image. In my mind, I see Shakespeare being a tortured artist, a solitary man that lives through his character and his work. I suspect that Shakespeare, as a character, will only become more complex as I read more of the tragedies. Believe it or not, I'm looking forward to getting underway with my vision.

I'm starting with the Merchant of Venice because I saw a book at Borders titled Shylock is Shakespeare, or something to that effect. I perused it briefly, but I didn't get to study it long enough to get much from it. At least I know to be on the lookout for connections between Shylock (one of my favorite characters,) and the Bard himself.

Shylock isn't the only character I like. I think that many young LDS women can relate to Portia with many of her frustrations in Act 1, Scene 2.

PORTIA. By my troth, Nerissa, my little body is aweary of this great world.

 

NERISSA. You would be, sweet madam, if your miseries were in the same abundance as your good fortunes are; and yet, for aught I see, they are as sick that surfeit with too much as they that starve with nothing. It is no mean happiness, therefore, to be seated in the mean: superfluity come sooner by white hairs, but competency lives longer.

PORTIA. Good sentences, and well pronounced.

NERISSA. They would be better, if well followed.

PORTIA. If to do were as easy as to know what were good to do, chapels had been churches, and poor men's cottages princes' palaces. It is a good divine that follows his own instructions; I can easier teach twenty what were good to be done than to be one of the twenty to follow mine own teaching. The brain may devise laws for the blood, but a hot temper leaps o'er a cold decree; such a hare is madness the youth, to skip o'er the meshes of good counsel the cripple. But this reasoning is not in the fashion to choose me a husband. O me, the word 'choose'! I may neither choose who I would nor refuse who I dislike; so is the will of a living daughter curb'd by the will of a dead father. Is it not hard, Nerissa, that I cannot choose one, nor refuse none?

NERISSA. Your father was ever virtuous, and holy men at their death have good inspirations; therefore the lott'ry that he hath devised in these three chests, of gold, silver, and lead, whereof who chooses his meaning chooses you, will no doubt never be chosen by any rightly but one who you shall rightly love. But what warmth is there in your affection towards any of these princely suitors that are already come?

Needless to say, I like Portia. I can relate to her. My frustration is powerful in that it convinces me that I'm worse off than I am. Obviously, my circumstances have never been so bad as death itself, or I wouldn't still be here; for that I should be grateful, as Nerissa reminds her charge. Nerissa, as a maid, understands what it's like to go without. Being in Portia's company, surrounded by her beautiful possessions and lavish luxery, I'm sure Nerissa thinks to herself, This broad is the most ungrateful wench I've ever seen! Doesn't she know how lucky she is to be sitting in that chair, wearing that beautiful dress, and waiting for me to bring up her succulent lunch? She has no idea what the real world is like!

In my most recent post, my contention was reeled in (slightly) by the memory of the person I used to be. I remembered the churches I've been to where the church was small, and the regard for the youth was even smaller. I needed guidance that I wasn't getting, and I starved spiritually because of it. That period of my life was so empty in comparison to what I have now. I was actually reading Lamentations 1, 2, & 3 today, and the descriptions of Jerusalem absolutely floored me. I colored them and re-read them three and four times to remind myself how far I've come, and how blessed I am to be in Church that cares so much more about young people. And the next time I start thinking about throwing myself from the high wire (see other post) I'll remember where I've been, and all I have to lose.

Easy to say, right? But next comes the real challenge: following through with the millions of things I promise to do in my head every day. Only about 10% of those make it through my many filters to find their way to my actual To-Do list. At the top of that list is my personal mission: leave my surroundings, the people that I meet, and myself in better condition than how I found them. How do you do that? Obeying the commandments! (I find my goals are easier met when they're not as general. *smiles*)

No matter what the goal is specifically, they're all achieved much of the same way: just do it. I'll admit, gets easier with time. But cultivating the desire and developing the discipline to do anything, including obeying the commandments, is not easy. Portia points out what is still true today; that the natural man is not easily overcome. But for Portia's purposes, as well as many women in the Church, the task of overcoming base desires is a necessary endeavor because of the Golden Commitment that she talks about next: Marriage.

I've seen the movie of The Merchant of Venice, so I've seen how Portia's marriage is to be decided. Her father has put three chests in a room: gold, silver, and lead. Portia's suitors must come to the secluded island where she lives, and choose which chest appeals to them most. The chests weed out the unsuitable potential grooms, because only one of them represents Portia, and she is bound to marry the man who chooses right; hence her frustration with "choose."

As Latter-day Saints, we believe in temple marriage; a covenant that is binding for all eternity. Without a temple marriage, we believe that we cannot reach the Celestial Kingdom, the highest degree of glory. For us, there is no, "Until Death do you part." Hence, the pressure is on to get the right guy the first time.

Shakespeare's "lott'ry" is not so random as "pick a chest, any chest." They're designed to protect Portia from men who are only interested in her money or beauty. Temple marriage works similarly in that only men in good standing with the Church can take their brides to the temple. The law of tithing, the law of chastity, the word of wisdom are what determine who is a member in good standing; these commandments are in place to protect us from having to honor a mistake for all eternity. And while we are not bound to marry the first person who can keep all of the commandments, we are required to choose someone at some point in our lives. And that decision leers over your head, even when you know you're too young to think about marriage.

I think about marriage all the time. I think about in which temple I'd like to be sealed (Manti or San Diego,) what my dress will look like (old fashioned will bell sleeves,) where I want to have my reception (wherever my non-member parents won't have to get a flight because they already won't be allowed in for the temple ceremony,) the honeymoon (Italy)... and, of course, the groom. I already feel bad for my future husband, because he has no idea what he's getting himself into. I don't think most LDS men do. They understand the pressure of having to spend their lives getting ready for a mission, true. And I love missionaries, so don't misunderstand the following statement: missions end after two years, but a women's prescribed tasks really don't have an end. Her whole life is guided towards preparing for marriage and homelife; so she plans in her mind the details of the wedding, the groom, the house, the number of children, and what color the drapes are going to be. She then spends the rest of her life trying to make her dream out of whatever she's given, and I wonder (privately) how many women have been disappointed by how their lives actually turn out, at least at first? Like I said, I pity the man who turns out to be my husband because, in all honesty, is there any way to please a daydreamer?

I know, I know. Sounds like a personal problem. LOL.

And sooner than I want to, I'll have Nerissa's question to consider: But what warmth is there in your affection towards any of these princely suitors that are already come? I'm not counting down the days when I'll have to finally settle for the lucky bachelor, the only thing left unplanned. And having to accommodate to the needs of a new male in your life isn't easy. My mom just got re-married in May, so I know the truth of that statement already. For now, I'll have to assume that the requirements of the Lord "will no doubt never be chosen by any rightly but one who you shall rightly love."

Until then, it's back to choosing a temple and Googling modest wedding dresses.